Seen & Heard – Fighting For, Not In, Fellowship

I jumped on this roller-coaster of a life and I’m learning how to trust God in the sudden twists and turns. I like peace, order, structure and I find myself having to hold on tight and trust God in moment by moment living. This wears me out, though I know it’s for my good. He holds me and keeps me, He knows what’s best for me. So, I found myself alone, leaning on my car bumper for an hour, waiting for my keys to be freed from the inside. There was no one there but God. I wanted to relax and waste time at my computer, I had told God just that morning that I was going to run this errand and then RELAX. I planned to be cozy on my couch, but He wanted me. I thought my plan was to seek peace, but as I stood there all alone I knew I had only wanted to run away. I sought escape, He knew better.  Ann Voskamp said it today:

“When you are giving everything you have and you can only take so much — Christ kneels close with arms stretched open wide: ‘Let Me take the rest.'”

I wrote a post hinting at this ache and difficulty of friendship and women, they came out of the shadows, in private messages and in amens, whispers of: “I feel it too.” As I listened to their pain, their loneliness, their heart-ache, I knew I had struck a cord. As I myself balance these issues, this wild need for isolation counter-balanced with a deep need for genuineness. Wisdom to know how to be genuine, but not open in an unwise way. I know well enough how quickly the people scatter when the pleasing of them stops. When you stand alone, it’s hard to re-learn how to grab hold tightly to the hand next to you.  There’s the reaching out and retreating back, reaching out a little more, then retreating.  All this wrapped up in a quiet hope and confidence that God holds us all and His desire is for unity. So, we fight on, continuing to pursue this fellowship displayed in the godhead, lived out in resemblance of Him.

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It was with great joy and much laughter that we spent time with our cousins this week. It was loud, crazy and tiring, but it was all worth it. Sisters, cousins, grandparents, they’re your first friends and in the sleepovers, the swimming, Chuck E Cheese and the chaos, there’s a peace of heart living side by side with those that love you genuinely, know you well and love you still. Blessed this week, even in the juggling, even in the swirling in my head, simply blessed.

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