Today was a very hard day. Am I allowed to say that here?
When I think of the moments that could have been treasured, my mom coming home and seeing my parents, driving out and seeing my cousins, talking to friends at church… there are many moments to choose from.
In the midst of those, I don’t feel treasuring in my heart, I feel tired.
Sometimes in life there are things that you just need to do. My mom returned home from a trip last night at midnight, but she needed to go see her mom in the hospital – in Nevada. I don’t want her to live with regrets and so I fully supported her in that. As a daughter, I needed to be there for my mom and visit with her and drive her to her ride to Nevada. It was just what I needed to do.
You don’t need to hear the details, but I just need to be honest.
Sometimes, a lot of times, it’s really, really hard to be a pastor’s wife. This is nothing new for me or any other pastor’s wife. And really these struggles are not any greater than other wives, just different struggles.
Sometimes, you get to church and you are just waiting for the day to be over because of all that it took to get there.
Sometimes, you wish you were able to enjoy people, even at church and not worry about the 6 kids and the logistics. Oh, the logistics.
Sometimes, you wish you wouldn’t get overwhelmed and scream at your kids, because you know it’s not their fault we are all in this situation. It isn’t anyone’s fault, it’s what we are called to and some days we just aren’t up to doing it well. Sometimes, you choose to live in the flesh.
Even as you are living in the Spirit and doing things like loving your mama and other people, you can still manage to get ugly.
As I think of how tired I am right now and the fact that the week begins again tomorrow… I just don’t know if I have it in me.
Don’t worry. I’ll feel different in the morning, but for tonight, I treasure the fact that I can be honest and still be loved.
Because, if there is one thing I have always been, it’s loved.
Very well loved. Thank you for loving me enough to read the stories of my small life, I do treasure you all for that.